Surviving my survival meal..

Occasionally I cook up a meal from my designated emergency resources. Yesterday afternoon I had the bright idea that some beans and rice would be good with a big grilled ground beef patty for supper.

Classic mainstay survival rations I figured. Only thing lower on the scale is rolled oats or possibly ramen noodles, although ramen noodles and a few scraps of meat can make a good meal.

Got everything cooked and seasoned just right and wolfed it all down, sat around for a while and went to bed.

I awoke this morning to what might be termed a "gastric disturbance" the likes of which I have not experienced for some time. Probably since the last time I decided to have beans and rice!

I have decided that this is the reason most of those folks on the Alaska wilderness shows can never find any moose or caribou, their guts are screaming so loud from the beans and rice diet that they are scaring all the game away!

It is a good thing I live alone. If anyone else was here I would be camping in the back yard with the 'possums and raccoons

Lol! I did the same thing the other day. Chili flavored Ramen with a can of chili on top. The next day I was able to summon the ducks pretty good!

For those that include beans and rice as part of their stores.................just sayin.



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I'm just glad the prevailing winds are west to east. Pity those folks in W. Virginia.

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Originally Posted by crashdive123

For those that include beans and rice as part of their stores.................just sayin.



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I better get two bottles, 120 is not going to be enough!

This is actually a real good suggestion, not talked about much, but an episode can really mess up your plans

I often wondered if the sudden dependence on your freeze dried prep stash and bulk stores as well as fresh squirrel/rabbit would require special steps and meds.......But have to say Beano is one I hadn't thought of.

As a sudden change in diet, and the possibility of unknown water quality..... always seems to induce a response .....(gas and the smitts) that One of the Top Prep in the BOB should be Tums, Imodium, Pepto-Bismol, Nexium........as well as water tablets, filter.
I would rate it much higher than a Tampax for bullet wounds(?)....And you never see a roll or Tums in a FSK....(they are in my EDC)

Seem like the last few years even a occasional visit to fast food place for a quick meal of "squished fish patty on a bun" or burger doesn't fit the digestion norm.

You bet I have Tums in my FSK. In my truck, in my medicine chest, in the kitchen. Luv me them Tums.

Immodium and Gas-X (Wind-eze) are in all my kits.
Baked beans and plain rice are fine by me. It's that brown rice that twists the guts in knots. Raw apples do the same. Get the bloat just like an old horse. Cooked apples, like in PIE, are perfectly fine though.

The best point made here though is that a sudden change in diet going on emergency rations could put a severe crimp in your day plans. Know what you eat, eat what you know isn't gonna lay you up with an avoidable case of indigestion. Most of my stores are typical canned goods. I've found a lot of the dry packaged meal stuff is just way too salty. Same with MREs. Too much salt, that's just like doing the MagCitrate thing just before that colonoscopy. Whoosh! Spatta!

For reference, those ready-to-eat packets of refried beans at the grocery store should not be treated as a single serving unless you're planning to be in a well ventilated area with a comfy toilet seat and plenty of soft paper for the next 24-36 hours.

Y'all have most likely seen this....Blast for the past...Author Unknown
The MRE date

hunter63
03-07-2008, 11:40 PM
From South of the 49th......

GOD LOVES THE US MARINE CORPS

MRE dinner date, the following is a story told from the point of view of a young Marine.

I had a date the other night at my place. On the phone the day before, the girl asked me to 'Cook her something she's never had before' for dinner. After many minutes of scratching my head over what to make, I finally settled on something she has DEFINITELY never eaten.

I got out my trusty case of MRE's. Meal, Ready-to-Eat.
Field rations that when eaten in their entirety contain 3000+ calories. Here's what I made:

I took three of the Ham Slices out of their plastic packets, took out three of the Pork Chops, three packets of Chicken-ala- King, and eight packets of dehydrated butter noodles and some dehydrated/rehydrated rice. I cooked the Ham Slices and Pork Chops in one pan, sautéed in shaved garlic and olive oil.

In another pot, I blended the Chicken-ala-King, noodles, and rice together to make a sort of mush that looked suspiciously like succotash. I added some spices, and blended everything together in a glass pan that I then cooked in the oven for about 35 minutes at 450 degrees.

When I took it out, it looked like, well, ham slices, pork chops, and a bed of yellow poop. I covered the tops of the meat in the MRE cheese (kinda like Velveeta) and added some green sprinkly things from one of my spice cans (hey, if it's got green sprinkly things on it, it looks fancy right?)

For dessert, I took four MRE Pound Cakes, mashed 'em up, added five packets of cocoa powder, powdered coffee cream, and some water. I heated it up and stirred it until it looked like a sort of chunky gelatinous organism, and I sprinkled powdered sugar on top of it. Voila--Ranger Pudding.

For alcoholic drinks, I took the rest of my bottle of Military Special Vodka (yes, they DO make a type of liquor named 'Military Special'--it sells for $4.35 per fifth at the Class Six) and mixed in four packets of 'Electrolytes - 1 each - Cherry flavored' (I swear, the packet says that). It looked like an eerie Kool-aid with sparkles in it (that was the electrolytes I guess... could've been leftover sand from Egypt ).

I lit two candles, put a vase of wildflowers in the middle, and set the table with my best set of Ralph Lauren Academy-series China (that sh!t is EXPENSIVE...my set of 8 place settings cost me over $600 on sale at the Lejeune PX ), and put the alcoholic drink in a crystal wine decanter.

She came over, and I had some appetizers already made, of MRE spaghetti-with-meatballs, set in small cups.
She saw the dinner, saw the food, and said 'This looks INCREDIBLE!! !'

We dug in, and she was loving the food. Throughout the meal, she kept asking me how long it took me to make it, and kept remarking that I obviously knew a thing or two about cooking fine meals. She kinda balked at the makeshift 'wine' I had set out, but after she tried it I guess she liked it because she drank four glasses during dinner.

At the end of the main course, when I served the dessert, she squealed with delight at the 'Chocolate mousse' I had made. Huh? Chocolate what?!

Okay... yeah... its Chocolate Moose. Took me HOURS to make... yup

Later on, as we were watching a movie, she excused herself to use my rest room. While she was in there, I heard her say softly to herself 'uh-oh' and a resounding but petite fart punctuated her utterance of dismay.

Let the games begin!

She sprayed about half a can of air freshener (Air Freshener, 1 each, Orange scent. Yup. The military even makes smell-good) and returned to the couch, this time with an obvious pained look.

After 10 more minutes she excused herself again, and retreated to the bathroom for the second time, I could hear her say 'What the hell is WRONG with me???' as she again send flatulent shockwaves into the porcelain bowl. This time, they sounded kinda wet, and I heard the toilet paper roll being employed, and again, LOTS more air freshener.

Back to the couch. She smiles meekly as she decides to sit on the chair instead of next to me. She sits on my chair, knees pulled up to her chest, kind of rocking back and forth slightly. Suddenly, without a word, she ROCKETED up and FLEW to the bathroom, slammed the door, and didn't come out for 30 minutes.

I turned the movie up because I didn't want her to hear me laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks.

She came out with a slightly gray pallor to her face, and said 'I am SOOOOOO sorry. I have NO idea what is wrong with me. I am so embarrassed; I can't believe I keep running to your bathroom!!' I gave her an Imodium AD, and she finally settled down and relaxed.

Later on, she asked me again what I had made for dinner, because she had enjoyed it so much. I calmly took her into the kitchen and showed her all the used MRE bags and packets in the trash can.

After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly 9,000 calories of 'Marine Corps Field Rations' she turned stark white, looked at me incredulously, and said 'I ate 9,000 calories of dehydrated food that was made 3 years ago?'

After I rogered, she grabbed her coat and keys, and took off without a word.

She called me yesterday. Seems she couldn't sh!t for 5 days, and when she finally did, the smell was so bad, her roommate could smell it from down the hall. She also told me she had been working out nonstop to combat the high caloric intake, and that she never wanted me to cook dinner for her again, unless she was PERSONALLY there to inspect the food beforehand.

It was a fun date. She laughed about it eventually and said that that was the first time she'd ever crapped in a guy's house on a date. She'd been so upset by it she was in tears in the bathroom while I had been in tears on the couch.

I know... shouldnt have done it, but it was still a funny night.

SEMPER FIDELIS
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hunter63, too funny, that deserves a rep!

BTW, if you soak your beans overnight and discard the soaking water you are a lot less likely to get gas. Part of why you are getting gas is because beans contain raffinose. It's a complex sugar that we can't digest very well. However, there are bacteria in your gut that readily break down raffinose into less complex sugars, which leads to gas. Soaking the beans helps to draw out enough of the raffinose that you will be a lot less gassy.

Brown rice can be a little tricky, but if you soak it over night you will notice that it is much easier to cook, because it has had time to absorb water. I think the problem that most people have is that they don't fully cook the brown rice and it is much harder to digest.

One thing that I have also learned from cooking Japanese food is to cook beans with a slice of Kombu in it. Kombu is a dehydrated seaweed that has naturally occurring glutamic acid (AKA MSG) in it. It makes your beans taste meaty, it's a good source of iodine and it's usually covered in sea salt. If available, definitely add some bacon or beef jerky to the pot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6EX0GepzOA

Fartin anymore is a waste of time for me. Can't smell them anymore so what's the sense?

He should've given her the peanut butter. She wouldn't need to use the can for a week.

It could have been worse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RhhHOzViWs

ya know the gas diminishes if you eat fart food more often so your intestinal bacteria can adapt.....easy on the budget, too (all dem beans)