My Mom passed away

[rebel]

My Mom died yesterday around 2 pm. I was able to hold her hand and be with her.

This started about a year and a half ago with a lump that was diagnosed as lymphoma. She went through a year of chemo and radiation. It turned out to be melanoma. This metastasized into her brain and liver. She underwent brain surgery and two gamma knife surgeries to remove the brain tumors. Nothing worked. The last two months were spent trying to keep her comfortable. She wanted to stay at the house with the hospice help. So, that's what we did. Fortunately, we were able to save up some money and be home as was needed.

As a survival guide to you for a similar situation:

Interview the various hospice care givers. Don't settle for what they send. We went through several. I guess the job doesn't attract the best. They like to sell the fluff when what you need are the basics.

There will be several things that will be needed that will not be provided and there will be several things that can be provided but you will not know about because you may not know to ask. Hospice has been through the process and should know what you need. However, they will not ask you. So, query them. Examples are: egg crate pads, watering sponges,...

My Mom went through stages. One week she was walking, the next using a walker, then a wheel chair and finally bed ridden.

Her ability to help her self was the same. One week she could feed her self and the next she couldn't.

For meals we worked hard at keeping things varied and interesting. However, her tastes changed and with the added inability to converse this made feedings a trial and error method. She started with big meals like a meat and sides. Then it went to finger type foods that she could feed herself. Then, back to big meals when we feed her. She gradually stopped taking food of any kind. When chewing became difficult we went to soft food and then soup. Eventually she stopped everything except small amounts of water, juice and fruit cups. The last four or five days was just small amounts of water.

The last couple of days her breathing became course and labored. We had liquid pain medicine at this point because of her ability to swallow. She didn't require morphine as is usually the case.

The last ten minutes she had labored breathing that would stop for about 15 seconds before resuming. Her pulse was rapid and week. At 1:57 she let out her last breath and her pulse faded.

Not only was she my Mom but also my friend. She wanted me to make the container for her ashes. I made it out of red oak. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. She sacrificed for others. She knew how to ride, butcher, can, grow, sew, cook, teach and put a foot up your arse. Her name was Sharon and I'll miss her.

[tacmedic]

rebel, I am deeply sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

[crashdive123]

Sorry for your loss Rebel. I'll keep your mom and family in my prayers.

[rebel]

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

[Runs With Beer]

Sorry for your loss, God Bless

[last one standing]

Rebel I'm truly sadden by your loss I too have recently lost someone very close to me and know the emotions that are so hard to hold in. You are in good company rebel lots of prayers for you and your clan be strong.

[Sam]

Rebel, I am sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family. Semper Fi Brother.
-Sam

[Sourdough]

Rebel, Sorry about your Mother.

[vthompson]

Rebel, I am sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Arsey]

Sorry to hear about your mother Rebel.

[Riverrat]

Was in your shoes almost a year ago, add 4 more days and that is when my dad passed. You will be in our thoughts and prayers.

[nell67]

Rebel,I am so very sorry for your loss,I too lost my mother to cancer,Janurary 31st was 7 years.Being there for her was the best thing you could ever have done.

[Pal334]

My condolences Rebel

[snakeman]

I am so sorry. I'll pray for you and your family.

[chiye tanka]

Rebel I am truely sorry for your loss.

[woodlander1314]

My sympathies rebel. You're in my prayers too.

[rebel]

Thank you all very much.

[Dennis]

So sorry for your loss and thank you for your hospice care advise. My mom is 81 and just had a small stroke. Lost my dad 5 years ago. Will have you and your family in our prayers.

[Dennis K.]

That was one of the sweetest remembrances I've read here. My condolences to you, and a sincere than 'Thank You' for sharing.

[grundle]

Rebel, Sorry to hear about your Mom

[nell67]

So sorry for your loss and thank you for your hospice care advise. My mom is 81 and just had a small stroke. Lost my dad 5 years ago. Will have you and your family in our prayers.

Dennis,he is spot on about the hospice,the first worker that came in for my mom stole a good deal of her insurance money,she filed the first bills like they were supposed to be,and mom got her check no problem,the second and third bunch of bills were filed,but mom never recieved the momey,they were paid alright,just not to mom,and the caregiver stopped coming around unexpectedly,to this day they have not found her!

If your loved one has insurance handle that yourselves,do not trust anyone to do that for your family,I would hve done it for mom,but the caregiver showed up one day while I was running errands,and told mom she could do that for her,and mom gave her permission to do so,bad situation,but mom was a very trusting person.

[Jay]

So sorry for your loss. you and your family are in my prayers.
j

[RunsWithDeer]

Sorry for your loss, I will keep your family in my prayers.

[RangerXanatos]

Sorry for your loss. You and yours will be in our thoughts.

[Rick]

Rebel,

Please accept my sincere condolences on your loss. Having gone through long term illnesses with both parents I can empathize with the whole spectrum of feelings that you are experiencing. My own selfishness wanted to hang to them forever but I knew, when the time came, that they were at least free from pain and in a much better place.

The pain never goes away. At least it hasn't for me. You just, somehow, learn to deal with the loss and go on. I'm glad you were with her in the end. There is a certain closure in being there. It helped me and I hope it was of some comfort to you.

Let yourself experience the grief. You have to work through it and you have to let it happen. We aren't supermen and each of us has to work through it in our own way. My family and I will keep you in our prayers.

For the rest, whether you are dealing with long term care or hospice as rebel did, there is help available. Each state has an ombudsman to help you make some difficult choices and provide you information and guidance at a time that can be overwhelming.

Here is a link that includes a national map to find the ombudsman for your state:

http://endoflifecare.tripod.com/Caregiving/id86.html

If you are dealing with Hospice, then scroll down and you will find the link in the lower left hand menu.

[Stairman]

Moms are the hardest.Sorry for your loss:(

[Aurelius95]

Rebel, thanks for posting that message. I'm sorry for your loss, but I hope you are able to celebrate your mom's life in such a way that it brings you joy.

Regards.

[RBB]

My condolences.

I may have some insight into how you feel. My mother's funeral was last Friday and the internment was Monday. I was there the Monday before last when she drew her last breath. All of us kids were there, with our spouses. We sang (loud) all the old songs she liked best for two and a half hours before she died. She was in ICU, and we kept asking the nurses if we were bothering them. Guess not, as they said, "We can do with more of this kind of bother."

Sad for us. Good for her. She knew where she was headed, and I figure she's singing and dancing up a storm where she went.

[Kankujoe]

I'm sorry about the loss of your mother.

[Ole WV Coot]

You and yours are in our prayers.

[pgvoutdoors]

I'm very sorry for your loss, you have my deepest condolences. Stay strong and Semper Fi.

[Fletcher]

Im sorry for your loss Rebel. Hang in there brother I know you will.

[chiangmaimav]

I am very sorry for your loss.

[Rick]

My condolences, RBB. You and I think the same way on this. Still, we miss them. I'm sorry for your loss as well.

[Amazon]

My sincere condolences on the passing of your mother. As I read your post
I thought how beautiful and endearing your eulogy of your mother. I send
prayers for peace and comfort in the coming days.

[Ken]

Rebel, I just read your post. Please know that I am deeply sorry for your loss. I understand - I lost my Dad the same way, but I still "feel" his presence quite often. Love is eternal - it survives death. I'll keep you and your Mom in my prayers.

[CombatQuarters]

My Mom died yesterday around 2 pm. I was able to hold her hand and be with her....

Rebel & RBB, I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. I know I'm new here, but my most sincere condolences to both of you and your loved ones.

This is a poem I wrote a few years ago for my friend when his Mom passed. He recited it at her eulogy. I hope it helps?!

--Never shall the day pass without the thought of my Mother's love
--All the while knowing that she watches over me from above

--I remember the carefree days of her warm and caring smiles
--For my Mom, anything she needs, I'd walk a hundred miles

--Her love made everything better whenever I was ill
--She even made it easy take my medicine...even swallowing a pill

--Happy Birthday to Mom we repeated happily for many years
--But now that she's gone it's with fond an happy memories that we shed our final tears

You may print a copy of this poem if you wish.

[Nativedude]

--Never shall the day pass without the thought of my Mother's love
--All the while knowing that she watches over me from above

--I remember the carefree days of her warm and caring smiles
--For my Mom, anything she needs, I'd walk a hundred miles

--Her love made everything better whenever I was ill
--She even made it easy take my medicine...even swallowing a pill

--Happy Birthday to Mom we repeated happily for many years
--But now that she's gone it's with fond an happy memories that we shed our final tears

I am sorry to hear of your loss Rebel & RBB. My sincere condolences to the both of you.

Also, welcome to the group CombatQuarters. Very nice poem and very thoughtful of you to post it here.

[91g-dub]

So sorry for your loss, my family and I will keep you and yours in our prayers.