How to get Lost! :)

[Darkevs]

just a touch of humor. :)

1) Do not tell anyone where you are going. People love to guess.
2) Do not consult a map before hand as this will give you a general idea of the lay of the land.
3)Do no take a bearing with your compass when you leave camp, or your car.
4) Do not get a reliable compass, a cheap, easily broken, easily lost one is recommended.
5) When you have decided you are completely lost, shout until you are hoarse. You then will be unable to direct any searchers to you whom you may hear calling in the distance.
6) Run around like mad in the bush. This uses up all your energy and strength.
7) Do not build a fire. The smoke will be a dead give away to the search party.
8) Keep on the move. This will guarantee that you will never be found.

[peter]

Last week in Australia lady was lost 4 days in the bush. They found her naked {alive}, it rained first day, so she took her clothes off, and dumped them :).

[Rick]

Where are all these lost naked women when I'm in the woods?

ATTENTION WOMEN HIKERS. If you plan to hike in the woods and are not averse to being naked if you are lost please send me a detailed map of the area in which you plan to hike. I've never been a hero but would like to be one. Thank you.

[Darkevs]

hmm, well, to each their own...........

Me myself, as I am a female hiker would prefer that ALL you men go hiking naked, lost or not. :)

[Rick]

Last one in the woods is a rotten egg!!!!!!!! I'm down to my hong!!!!!!!!!

[Darkevs]

men will be men......even in the woods. :)

[crashdive123]

Where are all these lost naked women when I'm in the woods?

ATTENTION WOMEN HIKERS. If you plan to hike in the woods and are not averse to being naked if you are lost please send me a detailed map of the area in which you plan to hike. I've never been a hero but would like to be one. Thank you.

Her itinerary is on the way.

https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQm6wpsToJodd0OgOJG2FyOvUFT_JZA0 zKT5dRXX-r8i37735__

[Rick]

I will have you know that I always lift the limb before I pee and put it back down afterwards. My wife has beat me black and blue a few times so now I remember. Maybe it's out of self preservation but I still remember. Women just don't like you leavin' the limb up for some reason.

[Rick]

Well, Crash, it's hard to argue with a good woman like that. Warm in the winter, shade in the summer.

[crashdive123]

and with a small still to convert sweat to fresh water.......

[Darkevs]

watch it.........that is MY picture you are scoffing at.

[hunter63]

Good news is she could maybe last a long time.....and not go very far in the first place......just saying.

[Rick]

She'd never leave you (not like she could) but even if she did what have you lost? See? I look at the upside in women. You guys are too worried about superficial stuff.

[Darkevs]

Hey boys........................Get Lost!

heehee

[Rick]

That crossed the line. I'm not getting lost with her. I'm not draggin' her back. Even my backpack isn't that big.

[Darkevs]

no problem..I WILL survive!!!!

ok, you guys are cracking me up now................not good to get my chubbiness bouncing around, someone or something could get hurt.

[Thaddius Bickerton]

Lot of food storage going on there. and definitely beat anorexia.

[Darkevs]

true. :)

I think I could probable survive if I missed a few meals myself.

Might have to go get lost for a week. A new weight loss plan......hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I wonder.................... :)

[Rick]

I've got a great weight loss plan. I just keep trimming the sides off my mirror. Right now I'm 8 inches wide!

[hunter63]

OK, get this....Biggest Looser/Survivor....Check your local listing, Newest hit of the season.

[Batch]

We had a guy go in to hunt at Bear Island in Big Cypress in South Florida. He only went in 100 yards and could hear his buddies and trucks on Turner River Road. He fired shots with his rifle and his friends heard them and tried to find him. He was found 4 days later mumbling and near naked having lost all his gear. He was found in his underwear.

You can read it from the Southern airboat forums as it happened. http://www.southernairboat.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=22841&start=0

You can listen to the initial 911 call here. http://media.naplesnews.com/media/static/911callredacted.mp3

The blue trail is not even walkable. My SIL lost his shoe inside of 100' on that trail. I have a friend who got his Suzuki Samaria stuck for two weeks on that trail. My Dad won't go into Big Cypress because of a gator he almost stepped on on that trail. My best friend won't go there either.

[Rick]

Thank you. I'm homing in a specific places I won't travel to when I don't travel to Florida. Oddly, the list includes nearly every town in the state as well as most state parks.

[natertot]

Yeah, I was lost at "gator" myself! :tongue_smilie:

[hunter63]

We had a guy go in to hunt at Bear Island in Big Cypress in South Florida. He only went in 100 yards and could hear his buddies and trucks on Turner River Road. He fired shots with his rifle and his friends heard them and tried to find him. He was found 4 days later mumbling and near naked having lost all his gear. He was found in his underwear.

You can read it from the Southern airboat forums as it happened. http://www.southernairboat.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=22841&start=0

You can listen to the initial 911 call here. http://media.naplesnews.com/media/static/911callredacted.mp3

The blue trail is not even walkable. My SIL lost his shoe inside of 100' on that trail. I have a friend who got his Suzuki Samaria stuck for two weeks on that trail. My Dad won't go into Big Cypress because of a gator he almost stepped on on that trail. My best friend won't go there either.


Sound like ya gotta stay off them trails....."Ya can go that way if you want to....but you ain't gonna get there" (Quote> Mortimer Snerd, puppet)


Y'all gotta go with Crash,....he don't get lost and takes fantastic pic's as well.....

[Rick]

Pfffft. His wife has the map and compass. He just tags along. If you ask him which way is any direction he points up. That's what happens when you stay under water too long.

[crashdive123]

Up is good.

[finallyME]

So, Batch, will you go into Big Cypress?

[Wildthang]

Another way to get lost, is to depart the truck or camp drunk! Some people actually do that, and just go along not paying a bit of attention where they are going, and being drink, they dont realize they are even lost until they sober up! I know a guy that actually did that on an elk hunting trip in Colorado!

[hunter63]

Well, there is the Darwin thing......It kinda too bad the 911 has kind slowed down the process......

[crashdive123]

Well, there is the Darwin thing......It kinda too bad the 911 has kind slowed down the process......

Yeah but with half of them dialing 199 there is still hope.

[hunter63]

Rodger that....still laughing at the "Up" thing....LOL

[Batch]

So, Batch, will you go into Big Cypress?

I spend as much time as I can in Big Cypress. It is an amazing place.

I use to just hike the expansion lands. But, we started turkey hunting Bear Island and now we just go out to enjoy the area. We usually do at least 4 long 3 or 4 day weekends a year in Bear Island while running some of the adjoining trails. This is really close to the king of woods me and my brother spend several dozen weeks a year in. Big Cypress has a population of black bear and panther that are unequaled in the South East.

[Cast-Iron]

@ Batch

What type of calendar are you using? Several dozen weeks a year???? I need one of those.......heck I could easily shave 10 or 15 years off with room to spare!

[Batch]

This is really close to the kind of woods my brother and I spend several dozen weekends a year. We figured that before the economy tanked we were spending about 26 weekends a year in the woods. While we have cut back because of gas. We still spend at least 24 weeks a year in the woods. Several dozen . LOL

I don't see how some one can have a problem finding several dozen weeks in a year. I am using 12 as the base for my dozen. There are a dozen months in a year. There are 52 weeks in a year. Which is... Hell could you just tell me how your 10 to 15 years of with room to spare?

[Wildthang]

This is really close to the kind of woods my brother and I spend several dozen weekends a year. We figured that before the economy tanked we were spending about 26 weekends a year in the woods. While we have cut back because of gas. We still spend at least 24 weeks a year in the woods. Several dozen . LOL

I don't see how some one can have a problem finding several dozen weeks in a year. I am using 12 as the base for my dozen. There are a dozen months in a year. There are 52 weeks in a year. Which is... Hell could you just tell me how your 10 to 15 years of with room to spare?

Wow, are you using a Myan calender, I think they used the several dozen unit of measurement too:scared:

[Cast-Iron]

OK, I'll bite.

If your use of the word several meant 2 or 3, you were technically correct. I personally tend to assign a slightly larger value to its use and I'll explain why and "do the math" for you.

I believe it boils down to semantics. The confusing use of the informal quantifiers: couple, few, and several. All are used to define a value of more than one. I am a numbers guy, so to reduce confusion, I use them to mean:

couple: means two and very rarely three

few: means three to five (aka a handful)

several: by default, more than five but less than "many". (I usually infer a value of 6, 7 or 8)

Now if I were to take several dozen using the median value of 7, I would arrive at the number 84. If I add to it the 4 additional weekends you spend at Bear Island it would make 88. Dividing 88 by 52 you will arrive at 1.69+. This translates into a traditional decade having no more than 5.9 BY (Batch Years). A minimal savings of some 4.1 years per decade. Since I have completed five of them now, my "savings" would amount to some 20.5+ years (I sit corrected).

Also as a side note: A leap year which starts on a Saturday will have 53 weekends.

[Rick]

That's fascinating insight. I could use a good definition on some other commonly used numerical terms. "Butt load", "a bunch" and the old standby "a ton" as used in amount not weight.

By the way, if you sit corrected then you should not have any back problems. Good posture should be commended.

[Cast-Iron]

Too funny Rick, but since I was sitting as I typed the post I couldn't truthfully claim to "stand corrected".

FYI: Some alternative definitions

butt: a volume equivalent to two hogsheads; a unit of approximately 126 gallons.

bunch: 1) often used to describe things grown in close proximity. i.e. grapes or bananas. 2) Synonymous with several with the difference of an implied higher limit.

ton: 1) 12,000 BTU/h or 3517 Watts 2) a unit of energy equal to 10^9 (thermochemical) calories, also known as a gigacalorie 3) a volumetric range of 35 to 100 cubic feet 4) 210 to 256 gallons 5) british slang for 100.

I'd like to thank the folks at Wikipedia for the resources used in constructing this post.

[Rick]

Well, wikepedia needs to go back to the drawing board. Consider these......

"Oh, heck yeah, we caught a butt load of fish yesterday." No gallons there. The part I find most confusing is what size butt the comparison is to. If it's a tiny little baby tushi then that's not many fish. However, if it's a two wheelbarrow load sized butt (as in have to make two trips to haul azz) then that's a LOT of fish.

I can buy into the "bunch" definition. "Oh, heck yeah, we caught a bunch of fish yesterday." You could rightly apply an analogy to things in close proximity but, alas, we still don't know how many fish were caught.

Finally, we can't use a form of energy with regard to ton. "Oh, heck yeah, we caught a ton of fish yesterday." One could assume that to be 2000 lbs. But how many fish is the question? If you caught a small whale then it's only one. However, if you caught sardines then you have a lot, i.e. a buttload, of fish.

[Cast-Iron]

All good points Rick. But you fail to see the obvious flaw in your counter-point. You used fishing stories in each example and anyone who has ever wetted a line should be highly skeptical of the descriptors used in such tales. Not that I'm calling anyone a liar here, but it does seem to be a common practice to embelish these stories for their intended audience.

Might I suggest the next time someone tells you they caught a "ton" of fish that you reply with, is that by weight, volume or count?

[Rick]

I looked up "embellish":

Make (something) more attractive by the addition of decorative details or features:

Were we talking adjectives or women?

[hunter63]

Like the OP......I'm lost....and all them there fish are always caught "last week".

[Wildthang]

A wise saying goes: Lost is not a place!

[Rick]

You looked that up didn't you? Tell the truth. You did.

[Wildthang]

You looked that up didn't you? Tell the truth. You did.

You are never lost if you beleive in this: No matter where you go, there you are:smartass: