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Sarge47
12-01-2007, 11:22 PM
I posted this several months back and everyone seemed to enjoy it. Add your own ideas if you want.:D

You Might Be A Survivalist If...

> - You can't put your groceries in the trunk of the car because its
> already jammed full with emergency kits, first aid supplies, and> fully-stocked BOBs.
>
> - You have emergency rations for your pets, and view your pets as
> potential emergency rations.>

You know the news three days before it hits the mass media.
>
> - You have back-up plans for your back-up plans.
>
> - You're convinced you've been exposed to so many chem-trails, you
> consider it a form of birth control.
>
> - You've ever repressed the urge to bleat "BAAAAAAAAAA" as your
> neighbor earnestly asks, "What war? Where?"
>
> - You've ever bought antibiotics for human use through a vet, or
> grains for human consumption through a feed store.
>
> - You've got more than one grain mill.
>
> - You've ever wondered how you might filter the used water from
your washing machine to make it fit for human consumption.
>
> - You have a kerosene lamp in every room
>
> - Your living room coffee table is actually a board with pretty cloth over it to disguise your food storage underneath.
>
> - Your box springs are Rubber Maid containers filled with rice and
> beans.
>
> - You save dryer lint to make fire starters.
>
> - Your most commonly-used fuel additive is 'Stabil', instead of 'Gumout'.
>
> - You automatically choose the heavy duty flatbed cart upon entering Sam's or Costco.
>
> - If you know the shelf life of tuna fish, but don't know how long
> you've had an open jar of mayo in the frig.
>
> - Your basement walls are insulated with crates of toilet paper, from floor to ceiling, all the way around.
>
> - While other people are saving money for new furniture, or
> vacations, you are desperately saving to get solar panels put on your house.
>
> - You were excited beyond all reason when they came out with cheddar cheese in a can.
>
> - You've ever served MREs at a dinner party.
>
> - You can engage in a spirited debate on chemical vs. sawdust toilets for hours on end.
>
> - You've ever considered digging an escape tunnel from your basement to the nearest stand of trees.
>
> - You know how to use a vacuum cleaner in reverse to filter air in
> your designated bio-chem attack safe room.
>
> - You've ever considered buying an above-ground pool for water
> storage purposes.
>
> - You know what things like 'TSHTF', 'BOB' and 'TEOTWAWKI' mean.
>
> - You have different grades of BOB's.
>
> - You know the names, family histories, locations, and degree of
> readiness of over a thousand fellow doomers on the net.... but you've never met your neighbors.
>
> - The best radio in the house is a wind-up.
>
> - You have better items in storage than you use everyday.
>
> - When the SHTF, you would eat better than you eat now.
>
> - Your significant other gave you a sleeping bag rated -15 degrees
> for Christmas.... and you were moved beyond words.
>
> - You've sewn a secret mini-BOBs into the bottom of your children's
> school backpacks.
>
> - Local food pantries have come to depend on donations from your
> larder when you rotate stock in the spring and fall.
>
> - You're still using up your Y2K supplies.
>
> - You have enough army surplus equipment to open a store.
>
> - The local army surplus store owner knows you by your first name.
>
> - You fill up when your gas tank is 3/4 full.
>
> - You call Rubber Maid for wholesale prices.
>
> - You have several cases of baby wipes and your kids are all grown.
>
> - Bert from 'Tremors' is your favorite movie character.
>
> - You carry a pocket survival kit, a sturdy folding knife, a SureFire flashlight and a small concealed handgun on you to church every Sunday.
>
> - You start panicking when you are down to 50 rolls of toilet
paper.
>
> - You keep a small notebook to write down any edible plants you
> happen to see along the road.
>
> - You shop yard sales, store sales, and markdown racks for barter
> goods for ATSHTF.
>
> - You own a hand-operated clothes washer and a non-electric carpet
> sweeper.
>
> - You have at least two of every size of Dutch oven (the ones with
the legs on the bottom), and 20 bags of charcoal, although you have a gas grill.
>
> - You have rain barrels at each corner of your house, although you
> have a city water hookup, and a Big Berkey to purify the water.
>
> - You have sapphire lights, survival whistle, and a Swiss Army knife on every family member's keychain.
>
> - The people in line at Costco's ask you if you run a store or
> restaraunt.
>
> - You require a shovel to rotate all your preps properly.
>
> - You no longer go the the doctor's because you can either fix it
> yourself, make it at home, or know and understand the physicians
desk reference better than he does, and can get the goods at the vets or pet store for MUCH less moolah anyway.
>
> - You know that a 'GPS' has nothing to do with the economy.
>
> - You track your preps on a computer spreadsheet for easy
reordering, but have hardcopies in a 3-ring binder 'just in case'.
>
> - You've thought about where the hordes can be stopped before
> entering town.
>
> - You start evaluating people according to 'skill sets'.
>
> - You view the nearest conservation area as a potential grocery
store

If TSHTF.
You know *all* the ways out the building where you work.

> - You have enough pasta stockpiled in your basement to carbo-load
all the runners in the New York marathon.
>
> - You know that you have 36 gallons of extra drinking water in the
> hot water tank and your 2 toilet tanks.
>
> - You know which bugs are edible.
>
> - You have a handpump on your well.
>
> - You have #10 cans of 'stuff' that the labels fell off of, but you
> won't throw it out or open it because it 'may be needed later',
even though you haven't a clue as to the contents.
>
> - You know where the best defensive positions and lines of fire are
> on your property.
>
> - You've made a range card for your neighborhood.
>
> - Your toenail clipper is a K-BAR.
>
> - The Ranger Handbook is your favorite 'self help' book.
>
> - You've numbered the deer romping in the yard by their order of
> consumption.
>
> - You must move 50 cases of food for the plumber to get to that
leaky pipe, but you have your own hand truck in the basement to do it.
>
> - You own more pairs of hiking boots than casual and dress shoes
> combined.
>
> - You have more 55gal blue water drums than family members.
>
> - Your UPS system has more than 6 Deep cycle batteries.
>
> - You have a backup generator for your backup generator, which is a
> backup for your solar system.
>
> - You go to McDonalds and ask for one order of fries with 25 packs
of ketchup and mustard.
>
> - You have ever given SPAM as a serious gift.
>
> - You've had your eye out for a good deal for a stainless steel
> handgun to conceal in the bottom of the magazine rack next to the
> toliet.
>
> - You are single male over 40, but you still have an emergency
> childbirth kit, just in case you have to deal with that
possibility.
>
> - You have two water heaters installed in your basement, but one is
a dummy that's been converted to hideaway safe.
>
> - You've made bugout cargo packs for your dogs.
>
> - You have a walking stick with all sorts of gadgets hidden inside.
>
> - Your koi pond is stocked with catfish.
>
> - As a stand-in scoutmaster, you taught your son's troop to set
> mantraps and punji pits, and haven't been asked to stand in since.
>
> - You're on your fifth vaccum sealer, but you keep at least one of
> the worn out ones because you can still seal up plastic bags with
it.
>
> - You haven't bought dried fruit in years, but you buy fresh bananas, apples, peaches and pears by the case and have three dehydrators.
>
> - Your UPS man hates you because of all the cases of ammo he's had
to lug from his truck to your front door.
>
> - You have duplicates of all your electronics gear, solar panels and generator parts in your EMP-shielded fallout shelter.
>
> - You have set aside space for your live chickens in the fallout
> shelter.
>
> - When the power goes out in your neighborhood, all the neighbor's
> kids come over to your place to watch TV on generator power.
>
> - You must open the door to your pantry *very* carefully for fear
of a canned goods avalanche.
>
> - You have a 'Volcano', you know you can cook anything, and you cast evil glances at your neighbor's annoying, yappy poodle, muttering "your day will come, hotdog" under your breath.
>
> - You've learned to knap flint, make twine from plant fibers for
> snares and use an atl-atl, because you fear that all of your preps
> and hard work will be confiscated by FEMA troops or destroyed by
> earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear blasts, ravening hordes of feral
> sheeple or reptiloids from 'Planet X' ATSHTF.

Here's one from me as I actually did this. The Bank where you just opened a new checking account gives you a new "Book-bag/day-pack as a gift and you turn it into a "BOB" bag. Your trurn!:D

WildGoth
12-01-2007, 11:37 PM
omg so funny i fell off my chair 8 times reading that and some of those were true for me lol

beerrunner13
12-02-2007, 12:15 AM
Dang way to many of those and here is one that is true for this year I got my wife a SS .357 and she isn't mad. Picked it out this after noon just have to do the 3 day wait,but I will still wrap it,I think she's geting me a .45 asked me twice do you like this one:D

Proud American
12-02-2007, 01:36 AM
SO MANY abreviations that I dont know. Pleas inlighten me thanks.

nell67
12-02-2007, 06:36 AM
SO MANY abreviations that I dont know. Pleas inlighten me thanks.
'TSHTF' -'"The S*** Hits THe Fan"
BOB' -"Bug Out Bag"
'TEOTWAWKI'- " The End Of The World As We Know It"

RaymondPeter
12-02-2007, 08:35 AM
Hmm..never thought of myself as a true 'survivalist' but way too many of those things are similar or true for me...and WAY too many gave me ideas...lol

Stealth
12-02-2007, 10:39 AM
yeah i didnt think of some of those, now im going to be more paranoid than ever!

Proud American
12-02-2007, 12:12 PM
Nell
'TSHTF' -'"The S*** Hits THe Fan"
BOB' -"Bug Out Bag"
'TEOTWAWKI'- " The End Of The World As We Know It"

Thanks Nell for the Answer but what is exactly "Bug Out Bag" im guessin its a survival kit or somthin?

Rick
12-02-2007, 12:57 PM
Proud, you're a Californian. During the recent wildfires a lot of folks had to "bug out" with very little time to grab the possessions they needed/wanted. A Bug Out Bag contains those items you would want to have with you so it can be grabbed quickly. I suppose every has a different opinion about what needs to be in one or how they are put together but essentially all the items you would want to have if you had to live somewhere else for some duration. It might include your basic or enhanced survival kit but also clothes, medicines, money, some means for cooking, water purification, important documents, contact lists, even those things you would need for your pets, etc.

Rick
12-02-2007, 10:17 PM
Sarge, this is now posted on the door of the supply room of the bio-chem bunker. The supply sergeant (my wife) now has a new checklist to ensure we are in compliance. All family members are required to memorize as the fourth general order of the day. Thanks. KaBar toe nail clippers. Check. Too funny!

EDIT: Before someone asks about the bio-chem bunker. No, I don't have one. It was a joke.......but the wife is in charge regardless of rank.

Sarge47
12-02-2007, 10:37 PM
Sarge, this is now posted on the door of the supply room of the bio-chem bunker. The supply sergeant (my wife) now has a new checklist to ensure we are in compliance. All family members are required to memorize as the fourth general order of the day. Thanks. KaBar toe nail clippers. Check. Too funny!

EDIT: Before someone asks about the bio-chem bunker. No, I don't have one. It was a joke.......but the wife is in charge regardless of rank.

Know what you mean about the wife.:rolleyes: It was MY wife who sent me the above post as she thought I'd like it and the fact that the one about the owner of the Surplus store really fit!:D

laughing beetle
02-23-2009, 01:55 AM
This is FUNNY!!! And way too accurate...

Ken
02-23-2009, 02:06 AM
You Might Be A Survivalist If...

You can't put your groceries in the trunk of the car because its
already jammed full with emergency kits, first aid supplies, and fully-stocked BOBs.

I caught this old post from Who's Online when Laughing Beetle was looking at this thread. Yep, that's me. If I open my trunk in front of someone who wouldn't understand or I don't feel like educating, I just say "Those are just my bags for the gym." :lol:

joeblkwolf
02-23-2009, 06:17 AM
all to true, lmao

crashdive123
02-23-2009, 06:51 AM
Hey Joeblkwolf - how about heading on over to the Introduction section and tell us a bit about yourself. Thanks.

chiye tanka
02-23-2009, 05:28 PM
You have a key and security code to your best friends gun shop and the two of you have a "go plan".:whistling:

MatthewnOK
02-23-2009, 06:36 PM
To many of those are true for me! Especially the one with well, food, and the PSK, light and gun to church. Except for the gun part.

wildography
02-24-2009, 10:39 AM
I knew there was some reason that I joined this message board... to learn things from a wise old survivalist like Sarge... oh, and the rest of you too! And a few laughs along the way help too! I got to start working on that list!

Dennis K.
02-24-2009, 11:04 AM
HA! - My labels fell off my #10 cans, but I Labeled them all with Sharpies.
Who's the REAL survivalist now:transformer::cool2::banana:

Now, where'd I put my katana to fend of the raving hordes of FEMA sheeple?

- Dennis (uber-numpty) K.

welderguy
02-24-2009, 12:42 PM
Thanks for posting that, I had a good laugh. And was surprised at how many of them apply to me LOL.

ClovisMan
02-24-2009, 02:57 PM
Whats wrong with the toenail clippers assembled by KaBar?

woodsman86
02-24-2009, 02:59 PM
You stage multiple faux rocks in your yard to conceal the real location of the entrance to your bunker

You purchase 100mph tape and paracord by the case

You have taught your kids to hunt with a spear and club

Sarge47
02-24-2009, 06:22 PM
"....You harvest snails for their slime in case you need the adrenalin fix!"
I like the one about viewing your dogs as "emergency rations"!:noway:

wildography
02-24-2009, 07:40 PM
I like the one about viewing you dogs as "emergency rations"!:noway:

You might be a survivalist if you:

throw cat food into the alley so that you'll have a steady stream of "emergency rations" coming by every night...:lol:
:gagged:

crashdive123
02-24-2009, 07:41 PM
You might be a survivalist if:

You pay for a gym membership for your neighbor in order to "lean" him up.

Sarge47
02-24-2009, 07:49 PM
...I just posted the original thread that this came off of so's you can read the replies!:balloon:

Sarge47
03-08-2010, 01:57 PM
Bump! :sneaky2: