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Ken
02-01-2010, 10:02 AM
Attention! Calling all Pennsylvania Hunters!

Can anyone here provide me with information or give me any pointers about hunting in Pennsylvania?

I'm specifically interested in information about hunting a species of rodent known as Marmota monax, commonly called a groundhog, woodchuck, whistle-pig, or, in some areas, a land-beaver. I consider my efforts in this regard to be a public service.

To give you some background, I have concluded that the most prominent member of this rodent species, a character named Punxsutawney Phil, is singularly responsible for at least six (6) weeks of the miserable winter weather conditions we are caused to suffer in nine (9) out of ten (10) years.

As most of you are or should be aware, Phil controls our weather in ways no human being can. Tomorrow is February 2nd., Groundhog Day, the day on which he annually screws with us. Somewhere in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, Phil's gonna' wake up from his winter hibernation and crawl out of his burrow, purportedly to determine whether or not he can see his shadow.

The uninformed among us believe that if this rat-relative DOES see his shadow, he'll crawl back inside and fall back to sleep because we still have six (6) more miserable, frigid, and depressing weeks of winter ahead of us. Alternatively (and this is pure unsubstantiated conjecture) if Phil doesn't see his shadow, he will hang around outside and play for a while before returning to his groundhog bed, in which case winter is almost over and spring weather is merely days away.

HOWEVER, those of us who have carefully studied this phenomena have concluded that Phil's activities have nothing to do with weather prediction. Instead of predicting the weather, he's CONTROLLING it! And in nine (9) out of ten (10) years, he screws with us and curses us with more miserable winter weather right through about mid-March. :sneaky2:

Being the kind-hearted guy that I am, I'm gonna' give Phil just one more chance to redeem himself this year. If, come mid-February, I'm still freezing my @ss off, Phil's days are numbered. The Marmota monax damned well better not screw with the weather again this year!

So, I want to be prepared. If Phil messes with us, as I believe he will, I wanna' go Groundhog Hunting in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. I plan on using my still brand-new Franchi 12 gauge - a collector's edition that I've owned for over 20 years that has never so much as even SEEN a shotgun shell, never mind been fired. Not once. (Yeah, I DO take care of it extremely well - it's in MINT condition!)

If Phil tucks it to us AGAIN, I wanna' guarantee that this will be the LAST YEAR he ever messes with our weather. :sneaky2:

Accordingly, my prospective target will, in all probability, look like this:

http://www.holidayinsights.com/artwork/ghog.jpg

And thus, I'm reaching out to all of you Pennsylvania hunters for any information and help you can give me at this critical moment.

Thank you in advance for your contribution to this public service!

Ken

Pal334
02-01-2010, 10:47 AM
I believe there are many that share your point of view and disdain for Phil. On a local news program they were actually thinking about replacing Phil with a computer generated forcast!!! So either way, I agree Philmust go!

Rick
02-01-2010, 11:20 AM
Balderdash! There's nothing metaphysical about Phil. There's no magic he dispels, no voodoo, no hocus pocus. He does it the good old fashioned way, with smoke and mirrors.

Old GI
02-01-2010, 12:54 PM
You guys keep this up and you'll be PNG in Punxsy!!!

Stargazer
02-01-2010, 05:41 PM
Hey Ken have you seen a weather report for tomorrow yet? Yup is going to snow.I'll let you know how much come wednesday.

I really think you(we)should just take Phill out early.I have to run some lead through the 12ga myslef for the upcoming turkey season.Let me know what time I should pick you up.

I will take the day off from work with eye troubles.As in Eye cant see myself making it in to work today.